Ideally you are tall, dark, handsome, and rich; and your family, along with you, is absolutely in love with me. If you are Ashkenazi, your mom thinks my cooking is better than hers. If you are Sephardi, your mom thinks that my cooking is as good as hers. You come to recognize that the true purpose in your life is to make me happy without me having to say anything.
You always remember all our anniversaries, you are happy to be awaken in a middle of the night because I feel like talking (about myself of course), and dealing with my tantrums puts you in a good mood.
Now that I have paid my dues to cultural biases, silly romantic notions and just my own clownishness let me tell you who I see as my mate.
You are a good person with kind heart who is capable of having healthy conversations with yourself, and have a good awareness of who you are now, where you have been, and where you are going.
You are not at war with yourself, your family, your exes, or your children. You are available to date in physical, emotional, mental and legal sense! In general I tend to get along really well with guys who grew up in traditional house received solid education, and stand behind their views on life in thoughtful stance.
As you search for a girl, you are looking for someone who you can be with, and not necessarily your family. Don’t get me wrong, a family is a big factor. It comes into a play when we check out potential mates whether we want it or not. I will be the first one to admit that upon meeting a prospective match, one of the things I wonder about is how well that person will get along with my family. However, as important as the answer to this question is, at the end of the day I want to be married to a guy who is going to make me happy, not my family. It would be nice if you share my feeling and sentiment.
Ability to communicate clearly, honestly, and straightforwardly is a must. I am someone who doesn’t do well with lack of clarity. For me, it is infinitely better to hear unpleasant, ugly, cruel, painful truth rather than either not be told, especially when I can sense that something is up. Or be told something that is simply not true, and avoid talking about the real subject, whatever that subject might be. Telling me honesty what is going on for you and have an expectation that I am an adult enough who cares enough about you to work through unpleasant things is the way to go!
You are someone who is close with his family, even though as my friend tells me “Family is G-d’s way of forcing you to interact with people whom, if given the choice, you would not normally choose to associate.”
Our relationship, loud or quiet, should come before everyone else. I want to be married to you, not your family, culture, friends or voices in your head! Of course you are composite of many different things, as I am too. I don’t want to minimize the importance of family, culture, beliefs, and so on. But unless you understand the importance of putting your marriage before it all, then I am not sure there can be space for a good marriage.
Kindness, warmth, compassion, patience, sense of humor, acute sense of responsibility, ability to form close ties with family and friends are the qualities that are very important to me. I try to cultivate these traits in me, and I look for the same in my mate.
You are active, lead a healthy way of life, don’t suffer from major and unexplained mood swings, and don’t rely on food, drugs, or medication to make you feel good. It is OK to take meds for a medical condition; popping “happy pills” to make you feel happy doesn’t qualify as taking “meds due to a medical condition.”
You enjoy someone who is active. I cycle, hike, and lift weights on regular basis, as in 6 times a week! Having gone from being one huge mama, and I am not kidding, I was humongous, to being able to make and sustain commitment to healthy style, it is very important for me that you share, support and participate in healthy physical activities as well.
You enjoy entertaining people, cooking, or don’t mind keeping someone a company in the kitchen, love traveling, exploring new things, world, cultures, books, and have a fairly balanced life.
You are open and able to sustain a long distance relationship (in case if that is what is in works for us). Should you be 20 thousand miles away, and still think we would be a great match, yes I want to hear from you. Just please be realistic about long distance challenges, and have enough patience and stamina to work through them.
You want, enjoy, and look forward to having kids.
And lastly, you are looking to meet that special someone, and work at building a beautiful life together!
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