I am learning that my ideas of proper etiquette are very much at odds with most people. Majority of people don’t bother to reply when contacted when they are not interested. Me, I always reply back, even to say that I am not interested. And truth to be told I think a world would be a better place if people did reply back…..
Very true Olga and I hope I wasn’t one of those examples. In my defense, if I was, I don’t check my regular email except for maybe every 2 days and if I see something after the fact, I don’t respond.
And I know this was a frustrating point for another person and I reminded that person that some people prefer to be contacted by text message or phone call or facebook only. If you expect a personal and promt response, it’s a good idea to use their preferred communication style.
By: Evelyne T on October 31, 2010
at 11:30 pm
Totally agree. Dang rude people.
By: Ooric on October 31, 2010
at 11:57 pm
No worries, you weren’t
)) This was my feelings/reactions to the dynamics of online dating. I have initiated contact with few people, and didn’t get any replies. I think it is rude. I think that even if a person isn’t interested, it is polite to reply and say “Hey, thanks, but no thanks.” At the very least knowledge that someone else took the time to write you an email!
By: insearchofhubby on November 1, 2010
at 12:18 am
Speaking as a guy who long ago stopped bothering with online dating…
I always figured attractive women recieved an abundance of e-mails on both premium & free dating sites, hence cannot keep track of all the e-mails they recieve and can’t reply to all of them (correct me if wrong, just my viewpoint).
That being said, at the time of my attempted online dating, I used to send semi-canned e-mails to any woman I saw on the site (semi canned, meaning to rotated a stock of letters, modifying periodically). Then filter out the replies, if any.
Why I don’t do it anymore…not a fan of the “spaghetti test” method (writing out mass e-mails in hopes for a small response rate). If I write individual e-mails, takes so much time to write an e-mail, and if no reply, it is frustrating.
That being said, online dating is not for me, as you can only show so much in an e-mail, a few lines of text, and a few photos. Also, most people don’t bother reading entire e-mails or profiles, and instead only look @ photos.
By: Ilya on November 1, 2010
at 9:09 am
I reply to all emails/flirts/winks/etc. The reason I reply is because I know how much I appreciate when people reply to my emails. And so in my mind I logically conclude that most people are like me, rather than not. We like to be acknowledged, because taking a first step of any sort is scary, and we need assurance that it didn’t go into vain. If there is no reply to tell us that, it did go to vain, and it is painful. It isn’t a big pain, although I am sure for some people it can be, but there is a bit of pain involved, because it is disappointing to be disregarded. I wish people in general were a bit more mindful of how our acts/gestures/attitudes affect people via face to face interactions or online.
By: insearchofhubby on November 1, 2010
at 12:06 pm
I agree with you in principle, O, but Ilya is right — women probably get many, many messages, including many that read: “Hey, you’re cute. Wanna go out with me?” (or worse). They likely get into a habit of ignoring unintriguing messages. If men behave the same way, it’s equally unfortunate, but as you note, it’s standard operating procedure on OkCupid. Also, people don’t like to reject other people actively, even online.
By: Neal Schindler on December 26, 2010
at 10:45 am
I don’t know guys, I am guessing I operate off a very different and out of norm set of rules and mode of behavior. I reply to all emails, even if my answer is “Thank you, but no thank you.” I think of how much I want to be aknowledged for my time and effort it takes to reach out to people, and I like to return the favor pretty much all the time.
Btw, I have written to people whom I wasn’t interested in dating, but whose profile was really well written or had something interesting to teach me. Good work deserves praises!
Ok, I am a weirdo
))
By: insearchofhubby on January 20, 2011
at 9:59 am