This has been a good week with OKCupid, which is an unexpected surprise. It has been good because I came across some great profiles that were great to read, and because my interactions with fellow OKCupiders ended up picking my brains in unexpected ways. Several different interactions meshed quite nicely in my head; I am going to try to explain them all as one. The sequence described here isn’t necessarily the sequence of events that took place in real life. This is more a summary of how different interactions came to be together in my head, and interesting points I learned from them about myself.

Ok so here it goes….

A pretty interesting Jewish guy asks me several questions about myself. I reply, go back to my reply next day, and have this “WTF” private reaction. As I re-read my own reply the next day, I wanted to cry because it bore me to tears.  It was a blandly banal reply, and I was having hard time relating to the writer (that would be me). So I was trying to understand why while my reply was honest, it was very boring to read. I mean, I am a pretty good writer, and I have managed to bring forth my spunky, at times mischievous, and pretty amazing personality in my writings. What’s up with this a flop when I actually want a person to like me?

And apparently me wanting a person (a particular OKCupid user) to like me is a problem. What I really wanted to communicate was “Дядя, а ваш профиль мне очень даже понравился. So in turn, I want you to like my answers, and like me for an amazing and awesome person that I am. Simply put, choose me to pay attention to.”

What stops me from communicating that are the QUESTION and A QUESTION.  THE QUESTION: “If you are so amazing and awesome, how come you are still single at the age of 34?” A QUESTION: “How do I communicate my awesomeness without coming across as boastful?”

Ok, now enters a second OKCupider comes into this post. He actually asked me THE QUESTION! I had no problems answering at all. In my 20^th I was horribly overweight, emotionally and financially unstable, confused kid who was neither disciplined nor firmly grounded in a healthy routine. Had some great experiences and some “Oh, man, I really shouldn’t have done that” experiences, without really learning from them. Simply put, I wasn’t having the best relationship with myself at the time, let alone attempt to have an intimate relationship with another person. In my 30^th I finally saw the light, actually at times it was major fireworks even; and have been able to transform myself into becoming a pretty awesome woman I knew I could be. And so now I am 34 and amazing. I can bitch, and moan, and complain that my growth took so long to mature and actualize my potential, but what good will that do? It is what it is.

A QUESTION  is all on me. I have to figure out how to balance communicating to another person that I think I am pretty amazing, and I would like him to pay attention to me because I am amazing. Ok, seriously, doesn’t this sound a bit selfish?

Back to the pretty interesting Jewish guy. He wanted to know what I am passionate about. I wrote what I wrote, but than decided to ask my close friend what she thinks I am passionate about. Her answer put a smile on my face: “you are passionate about Jewish-ness, cooking and relationships (of many varieties). Jewish-ness  is important part of you, and that is how you relate to the world, and because its how you best relate to the world, you want to keep that part of you honed and well taken care of.”

And that is where the clarity of my thoughts is no more! And that is OK because to quote Bryn Christopher:

But I know I’ll be alright
It’s coming stronger to me
And I know someone is out there
Lead the way
Lead the way
Show me the answers I need to know

This morning I was perusing supertova’s site blog, and oh boy, what’s up with people being and feeling so negative? Forget about complaining about dating, people are complaining about everything!!! I was reading through some of the comments, and I ended up with a heavy sense of feeling really sad for people, because it seems that people rather concentrate on negative rather than positive.

Don’t you think that the power to be positive is within us ? I am not stranger to pain, depression, and feeling negative. But you know, I still see and feel the beauty. And I always, always, always hold on to sincere and tested belief that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (despite the global warming it is yet to be turned off), and time heals everything.

What’s up with seeing negativity only? Give positivity a chance!!! Yes, life is hard, and it can be rather rough at times, and sometimes these rough times can last a long while. But it isn’t so bad, because you and I are still here, and we can still make the best of it, if we just choose to be positive over being negative. Come on, force yourself to smile, and feel good. After 10 minutes of pretending, a small part of you will start to feel genuine, and in no time, you will be filled with joy!

Folks, life is beautiful!

 

 

My good friend gave me an award on OKCupid just few minutes ago. What she wrote about me put a huge smile on my face and took me to a place of undiluted happiness and pure joy. What an unexpected  precious gift… Oh, I am so happy!

Here is what my friend had to say:

I’ve known this woman for over three years, and she is one amazing human being and friend! She’s one you can count on to keep her word, and she’s been there for me many times to listen, to lend a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on if I need it, as well as to share joy. She is my partner in crime on the dance floor and in the kitchen – she is not kidding about her hostessing abilities! She cooks wonderful food, which she does with love and relishes in creating a sense of home and warmth that she loves to share with others. She is very open and a great conversationalist, and I’m always in awe of her genuine desire to connect with people and ability to make new friends with all kinds of people, no matter how busy she is or how many friends she already has. She is also serious about challenging herself and improving herself. This is not a woman who sits idle! I’m continually inspired by her desire to help others, as well volunteering efforts in Seattle and abroad. She is smart, practical, open-minded, but also fun and adventurous. So what are you waiting for?

I am learning that my ideas of proper etiquette are very much at odds with most people. Majority of people don’t bother to reply when contacted when they are not interested. Me, I always reply back, even to say that I am not interested. And truth to be told I think a world would be a better place if people did reply back…..

My OKCupid adventures are not only entertaining, but also very educational. I have come across a great deal of well written profiles. Some of them are quite beautifully written. In fact, I am discovering other peoples’ profiles summaries certain things that I wish to summarize in such all encompassing way that I am asking some of them to allow me to borrow their writings to use on my blog.

Case in point. One of the things in this whole dating madness that is important to me is to address family topic. In particular, I appreciate people who are close with their families, and yet maintain healthy boundaries.

It is a sticky topic. In the past I have been asked if I have bad relationship with my family, and that is why I bring the topic up? The answer is “No, I have a great relationship with my family. But it took a while to get there, and I am hoping that whomever I am dating is there too, because I don’t want to be around messy family situations.”

Ok, so before my post is making you to want to bite my head off for being so unsympathetic and insensitive towards family issues, let me just say this. I am 34 years old. I date men who are in their late 20th to late 30th.  Going on with someone who is still having deep and unresolved daddy or mommy issues at that age isn’t appealing to me.  I sympathize with people who are in such predicament, and I am glad to help if needed. It is just, I won’t date them.

So, if I say it how it is for me, meaning how I think of it in my head,  it doesn’t come across too nicely.  And then I come across a prefect summary of exactly what I am trying to say without raffling anyone’s feathers.  And here is goes. a direct quote (have the permission of the user) that captures my thoughts on the issue exactly.

“…you have a good relationship with your family but not one that’s so overwhelming that I think you’re a Kennedy (unless you’re a Kennedy or otherwise recognized clan)…”